between boredom and insanity

save the last dance for me

2006-05-07T21:36:00.000+08:00

This is a song i've heard a while back which was used in one of the episodes of queer as folk (season 1 i think) which, i agree with brian, is ridiculously romantic.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

# Save the Last Dance for Me
Ben E. King and The Drifters

#You can dance
Every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye
Let him hold you tight

You can smile
Every smile for the man
Who held your hand
Beneath the pale moonlight

But don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last dance for me

Oh, I know
That the musics fine
Like sparkling wine
Go and have your fun

Laugh and sing
But while we're apart
Don't give your heart to anyone

And don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last dance for me

#Baby don't you know I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never never let you go
I love you oh so much

#You can dance
Go and carry on
Till the night is gone
And it's time to go

If he asks
If you're all alone
Can he take you home
You must tell him no

Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arm's you're gonna be
So darlin save the last dance for me

Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arm's you're gonna be
So darlin save the last dance for me

Save the last dance for me
Mmmmh, save the last dance for me
Mmmmh, save the last dance for me
Mmh, save the last dance for me #

it's in KL

2006-05-07T19:59:00.000+08:00

labor day weekend has brought me and some of my friends to kl. i never came aroud to telling y'all what happened so i figured i'd show you instead. here are some snippets from that trip.

happy (whoopee!)

2006-04-18T20:25:00.000+08:00

i realised something really important today about being happy.

for the longest time i feel that some people are meant to happy, others are meant to wonder how they could be, while the rest are either too busy or too nonchalant (and sometimes too stupid) to care whether they are happy or not. there's also that small group of people, who despite best efforts, remain unhappy for no other reason than they choose to be.

i belong to the last group. but i am desperately trying to break free. i'm starting to realize that being happy is as easy as choosing to be happy. and from this day forward, i choose to be happy.

i have been miserable long enough because of my own doing.

i deserve the break.

=)

it is finished!

2006-04-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

yep! it is finished. my good friday good deed is finished. i just got back from visiting 9 churches as a promise to a certain Someone. got lost a few turns (more than a few turns actually), and yeah, it rained on us...hard! but for some odd reason, it did not dampen our spirits. i am sore all over. my feet aches as much if not more than my head does. and did i tell you i abstained from eating from sunrise to sundown? it didn't help that my friends decided to pig-out on ala-home-cooked meals from a local restaurant. i had my trustee volvic though. so no biggie. after our last church, which oddly enough is closed on this day, our team has decided to eat yet again at a pasta house which has no help at all on my growing hunger. i had a large caramel frapuccino from starbucks though. anyways, i'm back and better than ever. tomorrow is a new day.

by the way, i tried to drop the mockery and sarcasm even just for today...it seems you really can't teach old dogs new tricks

=)

peace

(A/N: 2 posts in a day...i didn't hink i'd live to see the day)

semana

2006-04-14T06:54:00.000+08:00

today's good friday...the very foundation of my whole catholic faith. i haven't been a good catholic and i wouldn't argue if anyone of you tells me that my faith is flawed because frankly i think so myself. but i have news flash for you pal...so is yours. anyways, i know this must be the first post of its kind y'all probably read from this site...just proof postive that i am not the heartless bastard you think i am.

this year, i, together with a few friends, am doing visita iglesia here in singapore. 9 churches today to visit and abstinence from sunrise to sundown. i wish i am man enough for this. since i planned the whole thing, i made our itinerary for today as such:

1. Church of St. Mary of the Angels
2. St Francis of Assisi Church
3. Church of the Holy Cross
4. Churh of St. Ignatius
5. Church of the Blessed Sacrament
6-9. Sacred Heart/ Good Shepherd/ Saints Peter and Paul/ St Joseph/ Our Lady of Lourdes/ St Bernadette

by the way, while writing this post at 7 in the morning, i am listening to proud by heather small ; it goes something like this: "what have you done today to make you feel proud?" i think it must be this for today. wish me luck.

random ramblings

2006-04-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

i know, i know i have been long gone...i have a life (or not), sue me!

anyways, i'd more than make it up in this post as i recount my life since whenever the f*ck my last post was. i sure hope my avid readers (all 2 of 'em) are still alive, else i would have wasted precious time in my office making this post in a notepad so no one would notice; not that anyone would care. brace yourselves, kiddoes! i would be taking you to a sneak peek of my oh-so-exciting life:

1. left for singapore early october for a project in our office here (boy do i smell trouble)

2. our condo is...well, nice. spacious living area, okay kitchen, nice rooms; includes a gym, pool, tennis, squash, and basketball courts, table tennis and mini putt-putt (the kind you see in those cheap theme parks, hehe)

3. my bedroom is livable. it's no hilton, i tell you but with a nice poolside view, i could ogle people in their thrashy skimpies. well, i don't really do that but its nice to have it when you want it.

4. worked my ass off to finish a project before i got sent off to an on-site office

5. harry potter 4 was hot as expected. made narnia eat box-office dust. i'm such a sucker for HP books. maybe because i was reading arthur conan doyle as a child instead of just "plain ol' children's book." (the fact that hp4 made this list must make you think my life is pathetic, isn't it? i know, i think so myself. so sad, huh?)

6. celebrated christmas away from my family for the first time. not that it means much because we haven't celebrated christmas as a family in a long time. but again, it's nice to be around the people who loves you (and you love back) in occassions like this. i never particularly liked christmas, never liked it as a child, hated it with a passion as an adult. i think its the capitalists' idea of heaven. i like giving gifts though. i think i like giving gifts more than receiving them. i don't know. i am weird like that.

7. celebrated new year at a club, velvet, as i told you here. well, can't remember much from that night. we (i was with a friend) were pissed drunk after drinking a pitcher each of what appears to be long island iced tea but very oddly taste like rhum and coke. washed it off with vodka. i love dancing. danced the whole night, in fact. my friend thought i was on something. i wasn't. i had a blast. that was after all the most fun i had since coming to this very exciting (do i smell sarcasm?) country. Oh and by the way, we ended up picking people off the gutters near the main highway. apparently these kids (believe me, i thought some of them were a bunch of high school kids) couldn't handle their alcohol well. and being the caring, generous, and helpful; not to mention smart, charming-as-hell, and very, very, very good in bed (so i exaggerated a little, go write your own bloggie, if you have a problem with it) little ol' me, i helped 'em up and hailed cabs for those who were royally drunk. and to top off what seems to be a very interesting night, my friend and i broke a fight. well, it's not really a fight. what would you call if someone just stands there and let some guy punch him in the face? one way fight? a standing fight? i don't know. well, that's what happened. to draw this little adventure to a close, my friend practically dragged me to the nearest mc donald's because he felt like eating happy meal...what the f*ck? if you ask me, it was him who was on something. came back to my place at around 9 (alone, in case you're wondering or just plain malicious), showered and went to sleep. woke up a few hours later majorly hung (and i am not talking about the size of that appendage down there; although i must say i'm pretty contented with what i have, hehehe)

8. new year, new life...well not really. i was sent off to work with the client-side on one of our site offices. i could see cdu2 from where my desk is. for those of you who doesn't get this, lucky you! this new job is such a drag. i'd stop at that but believe me that's not all there is to it.

9. went back at the gym as a resolution for the new year. 3 months after...still at it (while writing this, i realized that tha's the longest i've committed to anything or anyone, for that matter; i usually get bored after a few days, sometimes i get bored at the middle of it). i started running 4 miles everyday, except when i have something planned for the night. i developed a liking with running. i feel so much better afterwards. i'm also pumping some irons. build some muscle and stuff. well, that's not going too well. tell you more next time.
boy! i am starting to get bored with this post...aren't you? well, we're just halfway there kiddoes! hang in there. read on!

10. read this book "the curious incident of the dog at night time." one of the best reads i ever had. i don't think there's anything special with it. sure it won some award or something but it's no literary masterpiece. but i thought it's something everyone must read. grab yourself a copy and read for yourself. while on the subject of books, i finally found a copy of "return of merlin" by chopra. i was reading this 5 years ago, lost it in starbucks, didn't finish it coz i couldn't find a copy. forgot about it all through these years until i found an old battered copy in the library. the libraries here in singapore are a real treat. for 20 sgd a year you get to borrow as many books as you like. best 20 dollars i ever spent.

11. chinese new year...you'd think that since you're on chinese teritory, it would be fun, fun, fun! the hell it is! for 3 days, all the shops were closed, even mc-f*cking-donalds' was close! what was i to do for food, huh? geez this coutnry is odd!

12. since there was nothing to do during chinese new year, i humored myself and went to johor bahru in malaysia. it's and experience i wouldn't wish even for my worst enemy. well, maybe i'm overacting a little...but still, its a bad, bad, bad experience (and i am being generous in saying that).

13. i finally quitted smoking!

14. picked it up again after a while =(

15. quitted again when it affected my running =)

16. now, i only smoke on very rare and isolated instances (like when i feel shitty, depressed or think that i'd die anyways; or when i seriouly f*cked up like when i had the cooling water requirements all wrong, or when i f*cking forgot to account for the quench in the hydrogen balance around 1st stage HDS-> don't ask!)

17. so most of my friends are leaving for the US to join an american engineering firm. yes folks! i am an engineer. and contrary to popular belief we're also human who miss their friends when they're away. the event of my friends leaving got me thinking whether i'm doing the right thing by stayng where i currently am. i remember a scene from some tv show when 1 of the characters was fired for some reason i can't remember. the boss asks him "does your job make your blood rush, does it make your skin tingle? does crunching numbers excite you?" he shakes his head "no." the boss tells him, "i am making you a favor then." i know my job doesn't make my blood rush, nor does it make my skin tingle and i am noplussed with crunching numbers. then why can't i shake my head no? i was looking through the files in my computer a few days back and found the following note i made some time ago. I kept it to constantly remind me of my literary genius (ahem):
"i am so fucking bored! i am on the brink of insanity...i don't know why they insist on sending me here in the first place. everyday is becoming such a drag. can't even keep my eyes open anymore. this is such a waste of time...i would rather be doing something else...something! anyhting!
i honestly feel that i am not cut for this...i know i am good at dealing with people and i know that i'd be happier if i do something like that..."

18. chingay is so gay! that's all there is to it. but then again, who cares...

19. there's this "jazz by the beach thing" i went to with some friend. we met 3 germans (2 of which were girls) and a turkish. another fun night. drank a couple of beers, engaged ourselves in idle chit chats, and on the last f*ckin' song of the surprisingly good band, we danced. there we were...a couple of drunk expats dancing to gloria estefan's conga. a pity, i know! hey! it beats sitting on your couch and waiting for fear factor or something like that. we promised to go out again. i never heard from them since. and i don't have any intention of going out with them again. i'm a bastard, i know. but so is half of the world.

20. started to play tennis...and dropped it like its hot! =)

21. i got myself a new notebook. its no power machine but it does its job. with the free wireless networks here, surfing is really a breeze (now, doesn't that sound like an advert on tv or something?)

22. brokeback mountain...2 cowboys kissing. big f*cking deal. it's not who you love, it's how you love. nuff said.

23. queer as folk...i know this is a has-been in the US but for the conservative society i grew in (well, actually i grew up in a liberal community but let just pretend i didn't), it really is provicative. but again...guys screwing guys and girls screwing girls is no big deal! it's live and let live, if you ask me.

24. the highlight of my year, neigh, my life thus far: told a friend a very important detail about me. i'd tell y'all too when i summon enough courage to do so.

25. i'd be turning 25 this august. but it doesn't mean shit. i'd still be the same old boring me. a change is long overdue, i keep telling myself. it has to come soon or i'd blow my fucking head off!
that pretty much sums up my life the past 6 months. six f*cking months...feels like eternity. but i have to suck it up, haven't i? the next few months will surely be interesting (or at least i hope it would be)...

by the way, i missed out an important fact: on my next lifetime, i wanna be a brazilian

=)

ciao!

(p.s. geez! i forgot how liberating it is to write; knowing that someone enjoys reading your miseries and fully aware that someone is more miserable than you...i love my f*cking life)

resurrection

2006-03-12T09:01:00.000+08:00

i know it must have been the nth time i'll try to give this little bloggie a rise. i hope this time will be different now that i have a new laptop. yes, boys ang girls, feast your eyes on this...

cheers for the new year

2006-01-03T22:34:00.000+08:00

i know i said i'd do a christmas special on this little bloggie. i didn't...so sue me! what i'd do instead is tell you 'bout the new year party at the velvet here in singapore. i tell you what, it was a hell of a party. the club was great! the crowd's a little tame for my own liking, but the music is fantastic. well, this area is more known for zouk. actually, said area is 3 adjoining clubs...there's the velvel, the zouk and phuture (see? filipinos' ain't the only one to spell their 'f'' as 'ph). as we were at the velvet, it has to be the most happening party (well not really! whoever plays bjork and enya in a club has to be insane!) as you pay the most here...but you get to go to the 'other' clubs if you decide to really go here.

i was with some other expat here..a thai who we'll lovingly call pan (no pun intended!). this biatch knows how to party. and that's all i'm saying 'bout that! as it was a party, we drank like madmen! a pitcher of long-island iced tea (which was more vodka than anything else) and well, vodka lime. i have never been so drunk my entire life. but hey! it's the new year baby! and you have fun on new year.

to all my friends from all over the world...happy new year mates! may thze new year be just that!

and as i am having a f#cking hell of a time uploading some pix, i'd do it tomorrow. ciao!

quit bitchin'

2005-12-22T11:38:00.000+08:00

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and arethings people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and nowpublished by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
A: What was the question?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead

Q: ALL your responses MUST be verbal, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Verbal.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was cutting open his guts

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A:No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

appraisal (parang lhuillier)

2005-12-09T20:34:00.001+08:00

i know i said i'd do a christmas special on this little bloggie but my my christmas spirit is already on holiday. so instead of writing something warm and cuddly and merry alng all those crap we usually pass as the true essence of chicken...kidding! christmas, i'd do an angst post instead. no likey? no ready! so shut the f#ck up and listen....

i have recently received my PA (performance appraisal). and as all my previous PAs, it is a bunch of bull. my superior thought of me as "having great potential in the field of engineering" apparently i have the strong academic background (or so she says) but (she) finds me lax in my job. come to think of it, she went as far as calling me happy-go-lucky in one of our conversations in the principal's office. for which i commented, "the reason i am lax is because there is absolutely no point to be vigilant." i can't eleaborate but surely you get the point. i told her that i have no desire to make a stellar performance because i don't need anybody's affirmation.

this post is depressing me more so i'd cut it here. it's friday and it's just me and my laptop get the point?

greetings!

2005-11-12T18:01:00.000+08:00

i' d like to drop a line to all my avid readers (all 2 of 'em). i know. i know i haven't posted in the longest of times. it sucks to not take a peek at my oh-so-wonderful life.

well, as some you you might know (although never cared), i am currently based in singapore. yes, that oh-so-brilliant death place of flor, delia and more recently, jane. hence, the frequency of the post.

although i must say that i am getting a little bit tired of this on-line journal. i am 24 after all. when the time comes (or should i say if the time comes) that i decide to publish my real journal (yes, i keep one, of course. after all all great men do. mwahahaha!), now that would be scandalous!

so agian to my readers, patience. i would be posting real soon. i'm planning to do a singapore christmas special on this little bloggie, in fact.

but please don't hold your breath. you might turn blue before it gets done.

ciao!

desktop

2005-08-17T16:34:00.000+08:00

here's how my desktop looks like. as to why i posted this is beyond me. pardon the nonsense. m yhead's been aching since 9 this morning.

terrible morning

2005-08-17T09:16:00.000+08:00

i am having the worst morning. it's like waking up on the wrong side of the wrong bed. it feels like nature's conspiring to give me a really sh*tty morning. to add insult to injury, the freaking lines in the freaking line index doesn't seem to end at all. just when i thought it'd be over soon, i had another think coming. it's like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel only to realize too late that it's a rampaging train.

difficult times, indeed

2005-08-16T15:41:00.000+08:00

i am so psyched about this film. not only am i in love with the book but the film as well. i must admit that i am an hp fan. i search for possible plots of the next book, particifate in online fora, download movie trailers, wallpapers, icons. name it have downloaded it (legally, mind). and yes, i reserved book 6 way before you suckers did. and yes, like the true hp fan that i am, i finished the book in one freakin' sitting. i have actually re-read it the week after that just to make sure i read it correctly. (i still can't believe he died! ~sigh)

anyways, before i turn y'all to a toad, i bid everyone farewell. if you still haven't read book 6, read it! i'm willing to bet an arm that it'll be worth your while.

wow! dragons!

2005-08-15T16:38:00.000+08:00

i am reading this new book entitled "eragon" which very eerily reminds me of lord of the rings and harry potter. well more lotr than hp. anyways, it's about a boy eragon, his blue dragon saphira and an old bloke named brom (who incidentally, has a striking similarity with dumbledore and gandalf) and their quest to avenge the death of the boy's family. written by christopher paolini when he was just 15, the book is said to be the new harry potter...talk about expectations! a very interesting read though. by the way this is the first book of a trilogy (one of many striking similirity with lotr). second books comes out this august. come to think of it, it may be out already....

happy place

2005-08-12T10:44:00.000+08:00

i seem to have lost my happy place....
you wouldn't happen to have seen it, have you?

dead? (think again!)

2005-08-11T16:48:00.000+08:00

i was so close on calling it quits on this little bloggie. i was on the brink of pronouncing it dead. but lo! it lives. for whatever reason i can't imagine. it's just that for the past few months that i've been out of the circuit, i didn't exactly felt like blurting whatever it is in my mind. it's not for general viewing, if i may say.

so what happened to me since i played fugitive of the blogger world? i endure 3 gruelling trips, a birthday like no other, an even more amazing birthday present, a hook-up, a consummation, then a break-up not long after, a reunion of sorts with some dear friends, my mom coming home, a very sad news, a very good news and a new house.

that pretty much sums up everything you've missed about me while i was gone. hopefully i could write again something you peeps could read without violating you too much.

cold

2005-04-19T10:29:00.000+08:00

It is
so cold
here.

Some whether report forecasts a ground temperature of 10C, with the possibility if rain.
And no matter how hard I try, my ol' pals Srarbucks and Winston just woudn't keep me warm.

It is
so cold.

Much like that night you pretended you didn't know me.

I feel
so cold.

Worse,
i feel
so empty.

Much like that time you returned my gaze with nonchalance and a shrug of the shoulder.

It is
so cold.

Much like that first morning without you by me,
Yes,
it is
that damn
cold.

of airport and aircrafts

2005-04-03T10:18:00.000+08:00

I never liked airports. They only serve to separate.
I never likes aircrafts either. For the same reason i never liked airports.
Yet, again here I am. In one of many ways that serve to tear people apart.
Waiting. And waiting for my flight to board.It's almost an hour delayed.
Damn that safety regulations about cabin safety.
It's only a four hour flight but it always seem to take forever.
Although I never enjoyed flying, I never feel freer that when I'm airborne.
As I look outside my window (and I always ask for the window seat),
I see the wide ocean meeting the vast sky. You can never see the distinction.
It's like heaven and earth suddenly decided to meet at some obscure point (well, a line really)
to form one one endless plane of nothingness.
I would love to be be at that point where heaven and earth meet.
I can't wait to be airborne again.
Because by then, I would be flying back home.

sick

2005-03-31T11:25:00.000+08:00

i am sick...

...of not having enough f*ckin' sleep last night
...of not having enough f*ckin' sleep the night before and the night before that, and before that
...of my f*ckin' roommate's snoring
...of f*ckin' nosy neighbors
...of f*ckin' bus drivers and their greedy ways
...of the f*ckin' thought that i'd be slaving for more than 12 hours again today
...of my f*ckin' desk
...of f*ckin' technical drawings
...of preparing the f*ckin' status sheets
...of sending the f*ckin' status sheets
...of f*ckin' intelligent PID which isn't so f*ckin' intelligent after all
...of it all.

i am just sick...

giving when It counts

2005-03-31T10:23:00.000+08:00

(A/N: This is part of an e-mail i received some time back which i received again this morning. This story is so eartwarming...)

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease.. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her life.

(un)holy week

2005-03-28T19:52:00.000+08:00

it has come and gone without creating a particular fuzz with me. i don't know when it happened to me but the holy week for me has been anything but for quite some time now.

i remember that as a kid, i'd be particularly keen in going to church and praying harder than usual during these times. i'd go to those processions behind the statue of some saint. i'd endure movie marathons about christ's passion and other life stories of some martyr who died depending his faith...which back then was sometimes due to lack of choice. of course now, during the advent of cable and satellite tv, literally hundreds of other shows can be seen on the tube not even remotely related to that subject. i, myself stayed stuck in our house in subic watching reruns of gilmore girls and seventh heaven for 9 (or was it 10?) hours. i used up this time-off to catch-up on much-needed sleep, read a few chapters of my book, and watch some films on dvd.

anyways, as i was saying, as a kid, this season bore some degree of significance (even of the smallest measurement). all of which, i lost as i grew up.

i hope it's not because i'm losing my faith.

campus (sex) education

2005-03-22T14:10:00.000+08:00

i came across a very disturbing article in a newspaper yesterday i think which i remembered just now, hence the timing of this post. it's about a survey conducted by some comm res class from up. the survey shows that a third of the sample (can't remember how large) of up students practice sexual activites while on school ground. i think up has enough school ground to accommodate everybody so this does not come as a surprise. sure everyone know stuff like these happen specially if you believe that the sunken garden or the lagoon is good for something. and the dorms...ahhh! i think the up dorms are haven for people who are so in touch with their sexuality as to try everthing even for once. some even discover their true sexuality under the caring roofs of the up dorms. there was even a joke circulating on campus regarding an all-male dorm, narra and it's supposed new name, gumamela. anyways, i need not elaborate. go figure for yourself. i might offend some people which i do not dream of doing.

i can't believe the numbers though...i mean, 1 in every 3? where was i when all these actions were happening? right! i was busy being a foul-mouthed nobody (kidding!).

b*tch!

2005-03-20T15:30:00.000+08:00

why is that when you are finally enjoying the night someone would always come along the destroy it? i was with some friends having dinner to catch up on each others lives. you see, despite the vast technology available to get us connected, we seem to drift apart more and more.

so we decided to dine in that new posh restaurant in greenbelt. the food is good, wine's great, ambience perfect. we were getting along fine. or maybe that's just the alcohol kicking in but we were having a good time nonetheless. that is, up until this woman came up to one of my friends and introduced herself. they ended up talking most of the time. she hogged him all throughout. after a few more wine, they started kissing. finally, some action (hehe)! remind me again why i'm alone? anyways, while they were kissing, this lady, who for the sake of anonymity we'll call jackie, suddenly pulled away from my friend and in front of all of us say:

"hindi ka pala marunong humalik ano?"

that b*tch...we were all taken aback. who wouldn't? she practically announced to everyone that he is a lousy kisser...i didn't know what to do. none of us did. we usually try to rescue each other in awkward moments such as this. so i did what i can, i went to the restroom and call his celfone. we usually make the call appear an emergency so we could get out of bad dates, bad food, bad situation and most specially bad odor! this one calls for one of these calls. my friend taking the hint agreed to play along. so 5 minutes later we were off. but this woman will not go down without a fight. while saying their goodbyes and swapping phone numbers, she looked straight to my friend's eyes so my friend stared back. after a while she said, and irritated at that:

"goodness! kiss me! i'm the type you keep!"

the nerve! in the end, he gave her a smack in the cheek. i would have rather slapped her. you have no idea how much restaint all of us practiced just to avoid to kill her.

while on our way to another bar, our friend said after being quiet for some time:

"i don't have to be slut to know how to kiss! and for the record, noone has complained before. i kiss perfectly fine!" one of our lady friends hugged him and said," oh honey, of course you kiss fine!"

we all laughed. including him. how was she supposed to know? our lady friend after realizing what she has done playfully said,

"you jerk! i was trying to comfort your lousy-kissing ass!"

the night wasn't as bad after all. you just have to have the right company.

all-time low

2005-03-18T08:17:00.000+08:00

'eto sabi sa 'kin nung ojt namin...before start of business no less!

"sir, bakit po parang sawang-sawa na kayo sa buhay n'yo, sir?"

can't blame the kid though for being such a keen observer. no more than you can blame him for being honest. here's a tip i should have given him though...i don't wanna f*cking hear it! so shut it!

this is officially the all-time low point of my life.

paradox of nothing

2005-03-17T19:39:00.000+08:00

i haven't been posting lately because well, nothing's really been happening. that seems to be the story of my life...doing nothing of particular significance. i sometimes find myself deep in thought as to where i'm taking my life. now is one of those "sometimes." and like all other "what-am-i-here-for" scenarios i played in my mind over and over, i come up with nothing...much like my life.

the good thing here is (as the book i am reading says), "there has to be something in nothing; otherwise how do you define nothing when there's nothing to define to start with. it's always something even if it has to nothing." another two cents from you 'ol folk.

so there you go. my life is not really nothing (if the author of my book is to be believed). it is something which just happened to be nothing.

if you can't make thought of what i just said, you're in good company. believe me.

untitled

2005-03-16T11:14:00.000+08:00

i have been a cornucopia of so many emotions lately, that i think i have gone bonkers. well, not that i haven't yet in the past. but seriously...i think it should be made illegal to feel all too different emotions at one time. it's f*cking confusing! i'm restless and worried, for only heaven knows what! i am excited and anxious at the same time. again, apparently for no reason. i've been turned on and off within the span of 2 hours to a person i barely knew from the embassy (tell you more next time). i am eager to go on but utterly confused as where i m going. i am lost on my seat, right behind my desk in my office in the middle of alabang...although i haven't felt so sane before, i think i am starting to lose it. and fast!

alang kwenta!

2005-03-15T10:49:00.000+08:00

yours truly to a dazed colleague:

"who am i?
i am bored!"

i am so going here!

2005-03-14T11:43:00.000+08:00

that is if anyone of my avid readers (all 4 of 'em) is willing to pay $625 per night plus chartered plane fee plus gazillion more for food plus another gazillion still for goverment taxes. i think it should be illegal to have a place like as beautiful like this. what were they thinking? $625 per night? but i still wanna go here. when elmo comes back, we so have to go here. anyways, she'll be a gazillionaire then. libre! libre! libre!

amanpulo! when shall my humble existence set afoot to thine fine sand of a beach? when shall my aching muscles be soothed by thine turqoise water. when shall my pocket be bottomless? because until then, you shall be only but a dream...(and OA! well, that's what this place does to you....)

oh! wise one

2005-03-11T14:16:00.000+08:00

the philosophy of someone whacked in the head: "even the concept of normality changes with time. nowadays, being normal means being insane since everyone seems to be one; whilst being abnormal means acting as if nothing's wrong.

i love the movies!

2005-03-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

this year is turning out to be a very good year for hollywood movies...the award season is well on its way producing even better movies than last year like the "million dollar baby" and "the aviator." two movies which i think are superb and worth every praise and recognition it got. i was also particularly excited about "lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events" mainly because i read the book and loved it. having jim carrey on it doesn't hurt either.

here's a list of other movies i am so dying to see:
1. star wars episode 3 (the only other movie, i spent over 4 hours on queue to get to the premiere; LOTR being the other).
2. sin city (because i think frank miller is a genius; tarantino also guest directs so it has to be really exciting...think pulp fiction, kill bill. ahh! the possibilities!)
3. batman: begins (nuff said!)
4. fantastic 4 (i'm kinda intrigued how they'd go about this)
5. king kong (peter jackson's directing...need i say more?)

disclaimer

2005-03-10T09:08:00.000+08:00

i know i said i'm a reality tv fanatic (see below)...but never (read: not in a million years) would i watch those silly lovey-dovey-find-my-future-wife-on-national-tv kind of show. it's pathetic. a new low on the history of tv if you'd ask me.

sounds bitter, no? cynical lang...hehe. not that it's a good thing. what am i saying? pardon yours truly. this morning is not a particularly good morning. even worse than the past 600 or so mornings. interesting...i haven't had a good morning in 2 years. it's a wonder i'm still sane, albeit barely.

reality on tv

2005-03-09T17:56:00.000+08:00

okay, i am officially a reality-tv addict. before, i used to free-up my sundays or at least schedule whatever after 9pm just to be able to catch survivor. then there was this period when i'd go home early on a wednesday to watch the amazing race. and who hasn't gone gaga (okay, the adjective is a little too much, i know) over american idol. but now, i have yet another show to fill one of my many lonely nights...the contender premiered last night on axn.

the show is a boxing reality show focusing on what else? boxing. barbaric as it may seem (seeing as how i was never the type to resolve to violence...verbal, maybe. physical, never!), i can't help but watch as the characters deal with the most powerful human emotion..."love and passion." the boxers, who are actually professional middleweights talk of their reasons for putting their body on harm's way to earn a million and it all boil down to one thing...love. one talks of how he wants to provide a better life for his kid or help out his parents or send siblings to college, the love and passion was there all the same. something so raw...that you can't help but feel for them.

but then again, some things are worth fighting for.

did you know that...?

2005-03-08T11:12:00.000+08:00

keeping it true to my latest obsession, i am writing this post. please read on because this is not just physics stuff...

mendeleev, that guy you have to blame for the ugly periodic table hung above your chemistry lab, was labeled as eccentric and downright absurd during his time that despite his genius, he got booted off from being chair of the chemistry department his university, called by many names by his colleagues and never even been cited for the nobel. why? if you may ask...because he believed in what he does and has strong faith in what he knows.

you can very rarely see a man of character like our ol' man mendeleev. most succumb to the pressure of being labeled that they'd rather change who they are than to just dismiss what others would say to them. that's what i don't understand about people...how they can trivialize others to words such as ugly, rich, fat, sexy, stud, what-have-you's. what they fail to realize is that by doing so, they, quintessentially are reducing a human being to nothing but statistics. and believe me when i say that we are more than what we perceive us to be. i believe that our potential is limitless. hence the reason why i don't take someone seriously when they are trying to describe anybody. because more often than not, they fail. and miserably at that.

if you'd ask me how i will describe myself, i'd answer: i simply am.

by the way, medeleev got the recognition and honor he deserved. at his death, students followed his funeral procession with raised periodic tables.

simple enough?

2005-03-07T11:32:00.000+08:00

i have to tell you my latest obsession...particle physics. i know it sounds little too geeky, but hey! to each is own. i am inspired by this book i am reading "god particle" by leon lederman. if you happen to have read "angels and demons", this may book may actually ring a bell.

well, the book mainly aims to explain in the simplest manner the nature of the universe by using breakthroughs in particle physics. lederman went to great lengths to idiot-proof the book. lederman, by the way is a leading authority on the subject having been director of fermilab (the leading institution on particle physics, along with CERN) and a nobel laureate himself.

the book tells of interesting facts that can make you realize how simple the world can be if not for the complexity of "outside forces." for instance, did you know that all matter are primarily made up of 12 kinds of particles (6 quarks, 6 leptons) and 4 forces? yup, all those stuff that you see...from the stars in the sky, to the beautiful beaches of galera and yes, even a friend having his "happy" moment in the highlands of baguio. they are nothing but a collection of 12 particles held together by 4 forces. simple enough, no?

here's another interesting fact, the biggest particle accelerator built to date is the one in fermilab (4 miles around!). i don't know if the supercondensing super collider has been commissioned yet because if it is, it would be the largest. this particle accelerator is also a project of fermilab. anyways, inside the particle accelerator, particles such as protons are being collided with each other using tremendous amount of energy that amounts to US$ 1M of electricity bill per year. the temperature inside the main core of the accelerator reaches a staggering 10,000 trillion degrees above absolute zero. the last time this temperature was reached was a few microseconds after the bigbang! can you imagine simulating the bigbang in a lab? hence my latest fascination.

i have told friends that i now want to become a physicist (although i am quite certain that i want to enter law school soon). they think i am insane...then maybe i am. at least i'm not alone (i hope).

galera chronicles

2005-03-01T10:53:00.000+08:00

(A/N: This goes out to Markus who asked about how the trip was. This is an account of the first day...saka na yung other days.)

so, you must be dying to know how our weekend in galera was (as if...hehe). i must tell you that it was awesome. been there once before with some blokes who can't keep themselves sober for five good minutes. so there lies the difference with this trip, because this time i was with folks who are more interested with the beach than getting to someone else's pants (or skirt, or both depending on which way you swing). not that we are a frigid bunch but we were there primarily to get away from it all...especially the madness of the city and the hell-hole we so-lovingly call our office.

so we were there a good 3 days. we were off early the morning of 25th (that's a friday) arriving at the batangas pier before 8 in the morning where i've seen arnel, some dude from college. anyways, we arrived at the island before 10 and settled as soon as we got to our room. syempre, we changed to our bestest beach outfit we carefully shopped for some days back. our girls in their swimsuit under some other articles of clothing (they are filipina women after all, ching!) and our boys in their board shorts and tank top (why i even am describing what we wore is beyond me). so first order of business...lunch which occupied the rest of our morning. the afternoon saw our first real galeran adventure...Snorkeling.

sisidin mo, mang lando!
you probably figured that mang lando is our boatman (the term boatman give me the creeps! if you've watched the movie boatman, you'd probably understand). mang lando took us to the coral garden for an afternoon of Snorkeling. although many of us were disinterested at first and this was definitely unplanned (not that we had any to begin with), we decided to go anyways. so after 25 minutes of boat ride out to the middle of the sea, we got to our destination...coral garden was it? so despite that ugly orange life vest and who-knows-who-else-used-it snorkel we hopped onto the water and snorkeled away. i only snorkeled once and my friends never. so you can only imagine how difficult it was for us to move with that blasted thing strapped in our faces. to prove a point, elmo swam directly to another boat banging her head to the bottom of it with me laughing my ass off and another boatman looking on. (hey! i was calling out for her...she can't hear me! what else could i have done? the boatman was closer...he didn't do anything). well, no harm done. elmo was fine. great even. 'twas nothing a few laughs can't shake off. and laugh we did.

while there, several small boats offered to drag us around the reef for (a low-low price of) 50 PhP. reluctant at first of the idea of being dragged around with only a rope supporting us, the difficulty of moving with the ugly vest prompted us to budge in with the other boatmen's insistence. in short, we snorkeled away holding onto a rope tied on a boat moving around the spots where corals are suposed to be great. at the end of the day, we realized that the 50 PhP we paid for the small boat was 50 PhP well-spent. it was a wondeful sight. a compelete contrast of our lives on land. there, time seems to be unimportant. it was very dynamic and fluid that you can't help but admire the grace of how fishes swim around or how the corals sway with every changing current or how vivid the colors seem to be. it's like seeing everything for the first time (with e, kidding!). come to think of it, life underwater is also busy, busier than land's in fact...but not toxic. haay! i wish i could have stayed there forever...raymond seemed to have the same idea. he probably resurfaced only twice the entire 2 hours we're Snorkeling! unlike some people i know (di ba, che?). well, she had a pretty decent excuse. she was taking in so much seawater so she kept on readjusting her gears. well, i did too. which was why there was one instance when we couldn't put it back that we asked the boat to be stopped. while hanging on for dear life, we were shouting, arms twisted and all: "choto (wait, in japanese) manong! choto! utang na loob manong! itigil nyo ang bangka!" deadma! kineber kami ni manong! hayun! galon-galong tubig alat ata ang nainom namin! i was just wondering, can you actually die due to high salt content in the body?
our afternoon adventure didn't stop there! while on our way to our beach, the motor of the boat we were in suddenly started making funny noises. kinda like it's ready to blow anytime. we had to be be pulled by another boat to get to our beach. "pulling" seems to be the recurring theme of the day. i wonder when it's gonna be push-then-pull (out). if you know what i mean.

well, our first night wasn't as interesting as we thought it should be. stroll in the beach, talking and then some more strolling. oh! ron and i went for the massage locals were offering. i wanted it hard (hehe) only to get bruises and even sorer muscles because this masseuse was pounding on me like some kind of lean meat. ron asked to be stepped on like that on traditional thai massages. he got a "himas-masahe" instead.

we have been joking about "happy" since way back when. by the way "happy" is a term we adopted for you-know-what. if you're from ust, you'd probably know why. surprise, surprise! we didn't get any (hehe). at least some of us (read: elmo) met interesting people...those blokes from the office we only see at the caf; who, interestingly enough, we kept on avoiding during dinner. that was pretty much the first day. not much fun, yes but made interesting by the company we kept. this promises to be an interesting vacation indeed.

(by the way, the reason for this vacation is the completion of a project we've been working on since november. and while we're all having having a blast during these times, the project we left was in total disarray! talk about tough luck!)

galera...

2005-02-24T16:45:00.000+08:00

...here we come!!!

reality/possibility

2005-02-17T11:10:00.000+08:00

there's absolutely no running away from reality. just when you thought you've eluded it, it comes around biting your ass. it just wouldn't let go.

today i have received a news...a wonderful news, in fact that a friend is getting married. he's 24. she's 24. they've been together for so long i can't remember a time when they were not together anymore. here's the thing: i am 23 which makes me only a year younger than both of them. funny that while they're thinking of spending the rest of their lives together, i'm thinking along the line of which movie to see this weekend. or whether my computer has finished downloading the mp3 i am so dying to have a copy of. and the list goes on about the things i have to do soon. i don't even know what to include in the list. but i know for sure what not to include...three guesses say its getting married soon.

here is where reality hurts the most. while others are secured of a future together, i don't even know if i will be with someone. not that i am really dying to be attached or anything along the same line. but wouldn't it be nice to have a possibility of having to spend all of eternity (or at least however long your mortality will permit you) with your certain someone.

and right now, that's all i ask...that possibility (however minute that may be).

i am no writer

2005-02-16T11:05:00.000+08:00

i honestly wish i could write like others do. the other postings i read seem to be genuinely happy for the littlest of things such as a new pair of jeans, a quick glance from their crush, coffee with with a friend...kiddie stuff. but i aint a kid no more. stopped being one for as long as i can remember. its probably nice to go back when fun is as simple as building sand castles and sharing lunch packed in a beautiful lunch kits. because now, fun is coupled with disdain and wary that the real world awaits...oh how the real world awaits. i sometimes wish it would leave without me so i'd be left alone to build my own. maybe then i can write about a new pair of jeans, or a quick glance from a crush, or coffee with a friend..the kiddie stuffs. but while waiting for that miracle to happen, i will continue to write the way that i do.

2/14

2005-02-14T11:07:00.000+08:00

(A/N: This is a one-shot fic i wrote when journals are still leather-bound papers. it has been editted so anybody can read it. mushy, mushy stuff! not very interesting read.)

their story goes a long way back. they were two; yet they were one. they were young and naive. Never have they imagine that theirs is a story worth telling. nor do they have the illusion that the thing they had was grand. it simply was that.. a thing.

they were kids. oh, how sweet those days were. they were kids but they were in love. more than that they cared. theirs is not a story you read on romance novels...of endless hours holding hands and frolicking in the beach. rather, theirs is a relationship clearly defined by rules. most of which we'd find absurd if i even start to list them. but both of them are more than willing to follow. they had a clear understanding of what they had. something so hard to explain to others (and believe me no words could ever describe it) but somehow so elementary for both of them. after all, they were one. they were two, but they were one.

they both knew from the onset that what they had was special. she'd be her own person while being so many others to him...a friend, a confidante, a lover. as he is to her. he never felt so free while being so attached. others may be as in love as them but they lose themselves in the process. sadder still is the fact that they tend to lose themselves alone. no partner to guide them, no partner to lead them on. alone. that's the danger of falling in love without rules, they say. one tend to be caught in the middle of any and all things others deems important. in the end, they are left clueless as to where they're heading. they've seen this danger and they were more than happy to take the road not taken. after all, they knew that if they get lost along that way, they'd be lost together.

and as fate would have its way, they got lost. but unlike others before them, they got lost together. but not once have their love faltered. they may be separated by distance but their souls are one. she may be happy with someone else but he is happy for her. he may be alone, but she is always there when he's afraid. it's in the rules. after all, she was hers once. more importantly, she was his first. as he was hers first.

yes, they are two but they will always be one.

orange county

2005-02-11T11:30:00.000+08:00

i so love this show...not your ordinary teeny-bopper. can't wait for the new season. the oc shows every tuesday, 9pm on etc.

Photo credits: Click here

the inncocence of a child

2005-02-04T11:32:00.000+08:00

i distictly remember that time when i was robbed of my childhood...my innocence taken away.

i pray to all of heaven that she won't robbed of hers.

she

2005-02-03T17:43:00.000+08:00

if there's one thing she's not known to be, then that's having very little self-restraint. well, that and having short temper, being tactless (or being brutally honest, depending on whose point of view she's taking) and being incredibly stubborn.

she is compulsive and trusting which is probably why she lets her guards down so easily (and almost always never get them up on time when needs be). sometimes the smallest of courtesy on her part is taken to be a sign of acceptance or of something more. the littlest hint of common decency is often midjudged as an invitation to invade...her privacy, her space, her life.

Abelle 9

she hates it when people feel that they can just barge into her life so easily. they give her no time to put her defences up even when all she intends to do is to leave a little of herself to herself. but she hates herself even more because she lets them meander through it like the pages of a best-seller. true, she has very little left to herself. people read it through her. she owns nothing more others haven't claimed yet for themselves. she has long stopped being hers. she is of others.

but most of all, she is mine.

and i love her. with all my heart. with all my soul. with all of me.

top ten things i must do before i die

2005-02-03T11:11:00.000+08:00

10. plant a tree (i don't know why, but this is something i think i should do)
9. do extreme sports (bunjee jump, sky dive, sky surf; pratically all the stuffs that make others chill)
8. discover an island and name it after myself (my own twisted quest for glory)
7. go to a major sporting event (preferably the olympics; world cup or the world series should also do the trick; again, don't ask me why)
6. travel the world (twice, if possible)
5. meet the pope (and tell him what exactly, you ask? i have no idea)
4. read the bible from cover to cover (and actually stay awake to understand it)
3. have dinner (or lunch if i'm dying before dinner) with my entire family and close friends so i can tell them that i love them...and this time mean it
2. see my sibs live a more comfortable life (credits to my parents for making it as good as it is now)
1. father a son (wife may or may not be included)

safin rocks!

2005-01-31T09:15:00.000+08:00

(A/N: i didn't intend this post to be too sportswriter-ish. but that's how it turned out...)

it truly is three-time lucky for safin. after being finalist in two-other occasions here, safin, 25-year-old russian finally wins his first aussie open title, sunday in rod laver arena, melbourne. after tying one set-all but down a break on the 3rd set, safin battles hewitt (and the aussie crowd, of course) and his temper to capture his second grand slam title. hewitt, chasing after all shots (and making some of them) simply came short to safin's big serves and hard ground strokes. it's a long-time coming for safin. but i'm sure it was worth the wait. safin surely deserves it (after injury, and all).

(Please don't sue!!!) Photo courtesy of Australian Open Official Website

(A/N: I have just discovered photo blogging. The joy!!!)

what's noticeable about safin's game this time around was he appeared to be calm (okay, calmer than usual, only 3 racket throwing. none of it actually broke). kudos to his new coach (and Federer's former coach, doesn't this typify the cliche, "one man's thrash is another's treasure"?) Peter Lundgren for working hard on his temper.

'twas a treat to all tennis fans because both players displayed awesome tennis and moments of brilliance worthy of the open's centenary. it was worth spending sunday night at home just by watching this.

can't wait 'till the next grand slam.

(A/N: wow! i actually written something which is devoid of cynicism, mockery, angst and sarcasm. hey! there's a first time for everything, right?)

joining in the quest

2005-01-30T02:05:00.000+08:00

i have never been keen in watching artista searches on tv. i've always thought it's a perfect waste of time, energy, resources and even brain cells. (not from thinking but from wondering what in buddhas's name are these people are doing.) so to avoid mockery on my part, i refuse to get near five channels from it. that is, up until today.

elmo went to the star circle national teen quest - grand questor's night (A/N: geez, did you know that i had to search for the complete title of this show? no wonder jodi and luis are having a hell of a time even by just mentioning the title of blasted show. which genius came up with that title anyways? i mean no offence, but...oh, well). yes, she queued on line for god knows how many hours to see the show live. good thing she has a friend from abs who reserved her a seat. she told me thru text that the venue was swamped by people wearing red (which i later learned were supporters of the star of bulacan, dm. it truned out each "questor" has color-coded their supporters. how cute (not!). i wanted to see for myself what the fuzz is all about. so against my will, i watched it on tv.

i'm ending the post here because i am busy eating my words...they're a talented bunch, not bad-looking either. how much of an actor they're gonna be? your guess is as good as mine.

kusa-kusa part 2

2005-01-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

last night was a paricularly hard night. sure we got off from work earlier than usual. sure we had a couple of glasses of beer on our friday night event. and we sure as hell enjoyed our moments with the karaoke machine before we headed for home. but you see, it was at home when kusa-kusa started sinking in.

earlier that day some friends and i were talkin' bout life, in general and how we're not getting any younger, in particular. we may have some facets of our live in order but most of it is such a mess. can't even imagine how to tell you.

last night exchanges of text messages between elmo and i seem to be a a withstanding proof that my life is in total disarray. but i'm not the only one, mind! too bad i can't publish 'em for elmo would go nutters on me! but trust me when i say that some people (read: me) are tired of waiting, kissing arses, and sucking it up to the powers-that-be.

while all mc beal likes being a mess because as she say, "that's who i am", some of us (read: i) likes some order and balance and peace.

is that too much to ask?

untitled

2005-01-28T10:46:00.000+08:00

top ten quotable quotes said in my presence....

10. when asked why he can't just be nice (ok, this was not personally said in my presence but hey, i was watching the movie, wasn't i?)...
"because the world isn't nice."

9. when asked why i hated the holidays in one of my classes in college, i answered...
"it turns all of us into hypocites. it makes enemies into friends only to be enemies the next day. in some sadistic way, those who are capable of merry-making do so in front of those who can't. it forces giving only to be ridiculed for not giving enough. some spirit huh?"

8. thinking aloud (in reference to puerto galera where we're planning to have a long overdue break)...
"puerto...puerta! (this coming from someone as tact as they get)"

7. after detailing her fantastic night with one of our friends...
"i'm such a slut! am i not?"

6. after learning that s. williams beat m. sharapova in the aussie open '05...
"good! i hate that bitch! (referring to sharapova)"

5. after i made the above comment...
"sabagay, support you own color"

4. when asked whether a friend was gay...
"i hate labels, why can't i just be myself. (by the way, she is gay...been living with her partner for 2 years now)"

3. model walked past us...
"maybe we can ask her to have threesome. (if girls can dream, so can boys)"

2. after a drinking session turned into a pity trip...
"read a book, get a massage, eat at expensive restaurants, go on a trip, f*ck somebody. it's called self-empowerment, you know."

1. in almost every time we feel annoyed, depressed, flushed, embarassed, horny (hehe)...
"pisti! paksyet! you make me change color!"

(A/N: Credits go to Australian Open official website for the photos.)

warrior of the light

2005-01-27T17:23:00.000+08:00

been a while since my last post...well not in the mood to share my what-nots lately. so to my avid readers (all 3 of 'em), i came across this passage in the internet. thought 'twas an interesting read. i'd publish my thought of it if i deem it worthy next time...but for now the following should do.

Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his.
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light.
Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties.
Every Warrior of the Light has said ‘yes’ when he wanted to say ‘no.’
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved.
That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet never lost hope of being better that he is.
Paulo Coelho

random conversation

2005-01-03T08:21:00.000+08:00

location: pier one, subic
time: one'ish in the morning
background music: superstar
number of beers taken: 5
number of other mixed drinks taken: 7
number of cigarettes smoked: lost count at 15
total bill: 1,500 (cheap no!)

Deb: "It pains me to see you like that."
Cookie Monster: " Like how?" (Looks out at the sea)
Deb: "That!" (Traces the outline on my body with both hands)
Cookie Monster: "What do you mean?" (Denial is after all sweet!)
Deb: "You know what I mean. You of all people deserve to be happy." (Lights her nth cigarette)
Cookie Monster: "Tell that to whoever holds our fate." (Puffs smoke from my nth cigarette)
Deb: "F#$%^&*, you know you can be happy. You just have to choose it."
Cookie Monster: "Wait a minute! Are you saying I choose to be miserable."
Deb: "No! Nothing like that! What I mean is....ahhh! You're impossible you know that?"

I have just relived one of the most awakening conversations of my life. This got me thinking. Is being happy as easy as choosing it to be? If it is, why is there so much misery in the world? It makes more sense when we think of happiness as something elusive like the Holy Grail. At least, somebody other than our selves are miserable (misery really loves company, eh?). But what if it is, as Deb puts it, really as easy as choosing it to be? Is my misery proof of my masochism? A part of myself that actually enjoys being in pain?

(A/N: Kay bago-bago na taon ganito post ko! Hay naku! Hayaan na po! Angst ata ang theme ng blog na 'to e.)

my creed

2004-12-22T07:55:00.000+08:00

i'm broke but i'm happy....
well, not exactly broke but i'm pretty much living off crumbs from a pathetic excuse for a job. to prove a point, the bonus which i recently received has all been spent in paying the bills; house rent, utilities, what-have-you's. hay buhay!

i'm poor but i'm kind....
i was once told that that poverty is the lack of option. well, i don't have much choice right now with most of the things going on with my life, the choices i'm left with aren't worth consideration; so yes, i'm poor... and i'm kind when needs be!

i'm short but i'm healthy....
Nuff said.

i'm high but I'm grounded....
i wouldn't justify this with a response (hehe)

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
Barely sane...i'm on that fine line between genius and insane.
Overwhelmed...oh well, that's what the song says.

I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
Yeah, I'm lost and to be quite frank, I feel I have been wondering around with nowhere to go. hope is waning, oh, yes it is.

and what it all comes down to is that everything's gonna be quite alright...
I sure hope so. I most definitely hope so.

(A/N: This has been sitting on my drafts section for so long that I was having second thougths publishing it. This is one hard post because I wouldn't want to give out too much...)

the yin and the yang of it all

2004-12-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

i have recently been reading this book entitled "The Tao of Physics". written by some cambridge professor of particle physic, the book aimed to explore the parallelism between eastern mysticism (zen, buddhism, taoism) and modern science (recent advances in particle physics). more specifically, it explains how one relates and in some instances even supports the other. for a modernist society such as ours, this would hardly be believable. for ages, science and religion didn't even belong to the same sentence so much more as to stand on the same ground. is it really that hard to believe that somehow everything exist in harmony as the book claims? a balance between good and evil; of light and dark; of yin and yang.

(this part of the post was deleted by cookie monster because this part is what elmo liked best. since i didn't want her to get what she likes, i decided to just delete it. i had reservations posting this part of the post to begin with. so here goes nothing. )

this is esentially the same concept behind the idea that "opposites attract". while we try to lean towards someone we have something in common with, we usually end up with the opposite. i think this is because we try to see in others what we can't find in ourselves. come to think of it, the friend (or more appropriately, ex-friend) i was earlier talking about had totally nothing in common with me. but hey! it's all in the past. with him living on his side of the planet, and i,on mine. perfect balance of poles.

the book may be right after all. everything could exist in harmony. we have just to choose them to be.

(Author's Note: the book is unavailable in philippine bookstores. try ordering from the internet. i'll try to make a review when i make significant progress with the book)

fornication under the consent of the king

2004-12-17T16:04:00.000+08:00

well this has most certainly been an interesting day, although the day ain't over yet, i feel that i've been to hell and back, elmo is being her grumpy self like usual, and i'm being short of a bastard, hell! you have to actually be us to at least have a shrewed idea of what elmo and i are going through our lives (not together, mind) .

i started the day with a splitting headache due to the fact that i've arrived at my house at around 1AM from a job i could barely care for. got up a good 3 hours later (i find it hard to sleep at night...probably the effect of kusa-kusa). nonchalantly ate my breakfast and hopped in the shower. slipped on a clean pair of trousers and a gray top. great! my usual boring corporate self trying to get back to whatever f*ck i was doing for the the last few months...life can't be more exciting than this (read: end my misery, please kill me now!)

the mrt's broke...some fire in guadalupe. i wished i was still in bed (if it isn't too much to ask, with someone, anyone) and not under some strangers underarm...(boy, was the mrt packed today). i later found a friend in an equally comprimising position between the bodies of some other corporate slaves trying to get to their hellholes, or offices as they refer to them. we decided, what the heck! wait for the goddamn mrt to resume operation. nothing much happened between then and the time we got to our own hellhole, which was a good 45 minutes later.

i had the first good news of the day when i heard of a colleague resigning. she has finally broken free... a slave no more. in as much as i am happy for her taking control of her own life, i can't help but think, why can't i summon the same courage to take control of mine....lead it to where i'd be happy. certainly elmo was thinking along the same line. i know it. then it dawned me, i don;t know exactly where that road is. sure i'd like to be happy, but what would make me? truth is i don't know. hell, i don't know if i'd ever know...

later today would be our department christmas party. geez! could this day be any lousier? i plan to get wasted. maybe then, under the influence of booze could I find the answers to my question.

i gave up on this post after i realized that this day is not as interesting as i might have thought. so i'm ending it here.

by the way the title is the origin of the work fuck...or so a friend says.

kusa-kusa

2004-12-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

i share this blog with another modest, albeit insane person who we'd lovingly call elmo. we intended this blog to be nothing but crap, something to pass time with and everything to be totally useless, so if you're reading it and find no sense with it, hey nobody's forcing you to read on. since this is our first post we feel oblige to tell you about this worthless piece of space.

this post is entitled "kusa-kusa", depressed in japanese...you might ask why. that's because this seem to be the strongest emotion surging in our body for the last week or two. we've been busting gour asses to finish a project with impossible schedule, limited resources, and repressed sex life (elmo refers to this as love life, for me they're one and the same). i haven't seen any movie for the last month, haven't watched the news in 2 weks and haven't stepped in the f*cking mall for as long as i can remember. to top it all off, i haven't been sleeping much as well. we've been living off mc donald's, cafeteria food and other greasy take outs for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

elmo had her cryola popcorn moments for God knows how many times this week and for whatever reason known to her and her alone. hell i was also on the verge of a cryola popcorn moment myself, nah! i might throw a fit but never will i do a cryola popcorn moment specially in the loo in the middle of business. elmo seems to do this a lot this week. but hey! it's her life, to hell with it! if she likes to cry in the f*cking loo, let her cry in the f*cking loo (i said the F word one too many times, but i swear i'm not vulgar...who am i kidding, i am vulgar to the every sense of the word).

i'm playing alanis in my computer. another angry woman (on top of elmo, that is). i wonder how many angry people there are in the world. elmo and i make two. so who else?